My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
