Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
