8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
