my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
