He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
