Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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