is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
