ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
