How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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