saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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