Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
