yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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