I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
