I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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