we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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