I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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