I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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