omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I came so hard my ears popped.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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