hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
