Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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