your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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