found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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