I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
you never un-have a 4some
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
