I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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