I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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