I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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