I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
