Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
