just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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