Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize