Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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