why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
