Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.