It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
