I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
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