Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.