I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober