On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
The best revenge is premature balding
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize