..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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