i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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