i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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