new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I deserve this hangover.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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