i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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