Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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