The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
id be glad to
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Randomize
