I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
