A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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