Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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