i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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