God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
