So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
