2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
should my penis look like a turkey
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
