Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
