u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
