Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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