I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
