you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
