He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
