Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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