when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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