I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
