I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
