I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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