Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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