If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
