Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
