Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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