This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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