This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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