he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
